Broken and New

 

Have you ever felt broken? 

Ever felt like you needed just one person to believe in you? To give you the strength to do all the hard things you need to make everything alright? 

That if only this happened... Or this person apologized... Or this person told me all the right things... Or what if.... What if I get that promotion... What if the test was wrong...

We do it to ourselves. 

We drown ourselves in this overwhelming waters. In a place we were never meant to be. Playing over and over the same circumstances that we are the most afraid of. 

This has been something I have been studying about. 

Why? If God has infinite powers and abilities, why does he allow me to think these things? He knows the deepest desires of my heart. Why is he allowing me to become fearful, angry, confused, insecure?

Friend, let me tell you why.

It. Is. Not. God.

Let that sink in a minute. 

It is our enemy. It is satan. 

"And why would satan bother with me?"

Because I have committed my life to Jesus. To live with Him as my Lord. Until the day I leave this earth.

"But why is satan's voice so strong?"

Because he knows. 

He knows I have promised my life to Jesus. Promised to follow Him all the days of my life. And that threatens his hold over me. He is losing me. Day by precious day. I am leaving satan's hold and RUNNING to the arms of Christ. And he's scared. Because he knows how this story will end. And he will lose. He will be victorious over some, but not me. I am a precious child of God.

Why am I sharing this personal struggle with you? 

Because it's necessary. It's necessary to know that you are not alone. To know that there is hope. It doesn't matter where you come from or what you have done. Our God... He LOVES YOU. He wants you. That tug on your heart. It's HIM.

If we have faith, we can have it all. I'm not naive. Anything is relative of course. 

God won't give me a winning lottery ticket. And a fast pass to the easy life. 

BUT he will restore what was lost. He will calm my racing mind. He will stop the anxiety. The depression. The hurt. He is ABLE. 

Will you trust Him? Do you?

Friends, my heart is racing just thinking of posting this. You see, I've thought I had the good life. I thought everything I did was perfect and God would reward me. But I didn't really know Him then. I believed. 

Loosely. 

I knew I should. But when I committed my life to Him. When I really took a good look at myself. And was HONEST. 

I KNEW. 

I knew He has been there all along. 

Right there. Just waiting for me. 

If you are married, or ever even been to a wedding. Where do you look? At the bride coming down the aisle? Sure, her dress is pretty. It's probably expensive. She probably has a wonderful hair style and beautiful flowers. 

But do you ever look at the Bridegroom?

Is he crying? Is he crazy in anticipation for her to make her way all the way down the longest aisle he has ever seen to become his partner in life? YES. 

And that is exactly what God is doing for each and every one of us. Patiently waiting. For us to make our way down that long aisle. To join Him in what he knows will be the most rewarding partnership we will ever have.

So it has been on my heart for a while. To share this with all of you. Friends, family, strangers even. Just to put it out there. Maybe, just maybe. It will just make sense to you.

God has a plan for your life. You may think that you are too screwed up. Or too hurt. Or too prideful. Or too anything. 

But you are not. 

YOU. ARE. ENOUGH. 

He made you beautiful. He made you in His image. No scar - inside or out - can change that. 

YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL. 

Once you are in His presence you just know. 

He loves you.

With everything He has got. And it's a LOT. I promise.

In this journey, there are a few things I have come across that have made my heart just race. Knowing that I need to challenge myself. Knowing that I needed those things in my life just to stay faithful to Him.

1. Begin your day with God. Wake up first. Get a devotional if you don't know what you are doing. Make a cup of coffee. And just spend some quiet time in your home alone with Him. If you begin your day with Him. He will bless you with gentle reminders throughout the day. He will show you He is right there with you.
2. Hide His word in your heart. This is definitely something I'm struggling with. But it is so true. Hide His word on your heart. And when you need it most. It's right there waiting for you. You fill in the insecurity with security. You know His plans for you are greater than you have ever imagined. 
3. Go to church. Every. Single. Sunday. It's that important. If you have kids, they need it just as much as you. Maybe even more. Be strong for them. Allow them to see you struggle. Teach them in the moments you find. Remind them of what they learn on Sunday thought out the week 
4. Write in your Bible. For me writing is so powerful. To see it. To feel it. I have a study bible and I cannot express enough just how much I read the footnotes. Read the verse before and after. Read the notes in the study bible. Highlight where God is speaking to you. Write out whatever is on your heart. If you are worried about destroying such a precious book - will it not be more valuable with your heart written throughout the pages. Just as it should be. 
5. Be patient. You will make mistakes. You will feel like the biggest hypocrite. You will falter. You will be tested. But know that each trial. Each struggle. It tells your story. 
6. Your testimony. Even if you think you are the lowest of low. Broken beyond repair. Share your story. Don't be ashamed. Don't be scared. Practice it. Omit details that don't need to be there. Tell of the trials. How you grew up. When you were tested. When you failed. Then in that one moment. When you KNEW. You just knew. This was it. It was real. It was life changing. Share how you came home. When you committed your life to the KING. Don't be ashamed. Share it with the world. Inspire others. Encourage others. 

I don't have all the answers. I'm still on this journey. I'm not perfect. But I have found peace. And when you find a love that you may have spent your whole life searching for, a love with your Heavenly Father, you will be complete. 

Nothing on this earth is meant to satisfy. My fear is that you will spend years upon years searching for a love, a fulfillment, a purpose that you cannot find anywhere else. You will not find this in another human. A new puppy. A new house. A new job. A new car. 

BUT. 

You will find it with Jesus Christ. 

Who died. 

To save you.