Happiness

Something that really bothers me is this concept of happiness. Maybe it's because I see way to many pins on Pinterest that just blatantly elude to this concept of happiness at all cost. 

Do whatever you want, whatever the cost, to be happy.

Um… What??

Believe me, I do want to be happy.  I am happy most of the time. So that's definitely not it.

But it seems that so many people use this "excuse" (for lack of a better word) - their pursuit of happiness - to excuse their behavior.

Do you know what that screams to me? 

In one word…. Selfishness.

We are all selfish.

But what bothers me the most, is that the idea of character is lost on some people. There is no integrity. There is no sense of responsibility. There is no care for anything else in this world - other than making yourself happy.

When did the world get this way? Why is this? Why are people just mean to other people?

A friend of mine mentioned some quote she saw that just made her sick. About if anything in your life no longer makes you happy, walk away from it.

What? Excuse me?!?! 

Just give up? 

I realize that we are in 2013 and all, and that statistically MOST of us who are married will divorce. But I wonder if more of us quit worrying about making ourselves superficially happy, and just tried to love people - not only when they are easy to love - if that statistic would change. 

It doesn't have to be about marriage. It's in our friendships. When someone craves drama, they want to be in the middle of yours. When someone just needs someone to talk to, and you are a good listener, there they are. But are you surprised when they are unavailable or unwilling to listen when you need to talk? 

Yes, I'm familiar with the Mean Girls movie. Yes, I still think it's funny. As fiction. 

What worries me is what will my daughter grow up to see in her lifetime? I'm still shocked and awed at the audacity of people. The thought that people give no consideration to other people unless there is something in it for them.

God has commanded us to love Him first. Our spouse second. Children and family next. And OTHERS. Not specific ones. ALL of them. 

Do you realize how hard that is? To love people who have wronged you - even those who intentionally inflict pain on you. People who are completely different from you. People who believe different than you. 

Gosh, it's really hard. But I've learned and realized that His ways are usually right. And as I've really looked hard at why I could not forgive certain people. I realized that I didn't have to have the perfect potion. I didn't have to hear certain words. Heck, I didn't even have to hear them SEEK forgiveness. 

Some people are truly "mean girls" (and guys) for lack of a better world. Some people are hardened by the hard times they have experienced in their lives. For the ways other people have treated them. They've been hurt so much before that they are only looking for happiness. And in all honesty, I don't think it's happiness they are looking for. I full heartedly believe that they have a longing in their soul (like we all do) that something is missing. That there is something more.

And there is… It's found in Jesus Christ. This is the purest form of love. From our heavenly Father.

When you seek to forgive someone who you do not feel even deserves your forgiveness. You have every reason to be angry and hateful towards them. But that anger. It eats you alive. It hurts you from the inside. It causes you (not them) to be punished. For you to not heal. Not let it go. It poisons your soul. Bitterness ensues. And you are… just a mess.

If there is anyone in your life that you harbor anger or bitterness towards, forgive them. Pray. God will take it away. He will soften you in the in between. He will put peace in your heart. And you will be free. Free from the bondage of anger and bitterness.

In this life, people are going to hurt you. They are going to let you down. But you can choose to have a heart that sees the best in people. That even though they are not doing exactly what you want them to - that they are doing their best. When you can see that glimmer in them, it's worth it. 

Love is worth it. I love so many people in my life. I think that's only fair. When they have touched your life so much, that you love them. They are your family. Even if you don't share blood. 

A quote I saw recently from Joel Osteen, "You may not understand someone, but you don't have to understand them to love them. You don't have to agree with them to accept them. That's why it's called unconditional love."

Another quote from a Facebook group I follow, "If you only love people who never let you down, you'll live a lonely life, because everybody (including you) will let you down eventually."

Yes. Most definitely.

Loving people through the hard times. Knowing that this relationship is worth the fight. You may end up with some bruises, or even scars. But you will have a deeper appreciation, a deeper connection with this person. You will know that you will always have their back and they will always have yours. And that is priceless.

If you gain anything from this post, please let it be that happiness is not the answer. Happiness is great. Don't get me wrong. 

But the real answer - is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

And only then can you truly love anyone else. Including yourself.

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Found this tonight after my original post, pretty much sums it all up. 

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Just the Way He Wants it...

Have you ever made a decision to do something completely radical, but everyone around you was completely against it? They were SURE it wasn't what was best for you. They knew what would make you happy. What would be best for you in the long run. 

But you just knew. They were WRONG. They had to be. Surely this wasn't what God wanted for you!

But how did you know that it was the right choice?

Did it turn out to be the best thing you have ever done? 

Has it completely changed the course of your life? 

Brought you to right where you needed to be?

It happened to me.

Right there. I remember the evening so clearly. I was all alone. I was so upset. I was miserable. Exhausted. Completely spent. 

And right there. I felt a presence. A presence telling me to kneel. To cry out to God. And when I did, the craziest thing happened....

Peace.

Can you imagine it? It still gives me goose-bumps. It still inspires me. I felt that God was there. Right there in the thick of my worst night. Waiting for me. With open arms. Ready for me to come to Him and drink of His everlasting water.

It would be a perfect story if I could tell you that I completely changed my life right at that moment and never sinned again.

But I would be lying.

I struggled with it. I struggled with giving over power of my life to God. 

Wow. Writing those words out now. Man, what a struggle. But why?

Because I thought I knew what was best for me. Because I am selfish. I wanted things to turn out exactly the way I thought they should. People to say the words I wanted to hear. Comfort me the way I knew I needed to be comforted. Do the things I knew they should do to be happy. To make me happy. To make this fairy-tale ending come true.

But they aren't me. And they are selfish too.

But God knew me. He knew I needed that night. To stand up for myself. To stand firm in the decisions I had made. And to empower me to stay faithful to Him. Even after I fumbled later on.

I still struggle some days. But I know the faith that I have is only growing each and every time.

Look, I will never claim to have all the answers. My hope for this blogging experience - to somehow... someway... be there for someone. To empower you to keep the faith. To explore your faith if you haven't even gotten that far. And if you don't believe - at all - not even a little bit - that you would maybe, just maybe, explore it a little.

When you go through a struggle in your life. When nothing seems to be going right, sometimes a strong person will come through for you. And sometimes that strong person is you. 

One of my very best friends told me "Maybe this is something God intentionally brought into your life to give you the life you've always wanted." At the time, those were very hard words to swallow. But it's what I needed to hear. It made me really think about things differently. 

Maybe God wasn't punishing me for not being faithful to Him, but maybe He was doing whatever it took to get my attention. And He did. And it worked. 

Look, I realize this may be controversial. I know it may not make sense in your situation. But it did in mine. Once I took this perspective, I was able to see the beauty that could  come from this. 

Yes, it would challenge me. It wouldn't be easy. But I was sure. It would be worth it.

Isn't everything worth having that way?

If you are always given everything in your life, you never really appreciate it. But something you put your blood, sweat and tears into? It suddenly becomes more precious. More significant. The victory so much better.

And I couldn't agree more. 

The best lessons I have learned in life, I've had to overcome something to learn it. 

Maybe it was forgetting my own pain and trying to understand the person who had hurt me. Why they were doing it? What could they have been thinking or feeling? 

Yeah. I did. That's just me. 

Sometimes when you are in the middle of the storm, you do things that you regret. Or sometimes you do something completely heroic. Something you never thought you would be capable of doing. 

Standing up for myself has never been more satisfying. When you stand up for what is important to you, you find out who will always stand beside you.

You understand what you stand for. And what you are made of. 

And it can be so refreshing. 

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Broken and New

 

Have you ever felt broken? 

Ever felt like you needed just one person to believe in you? To give you the strength to do all the hard things you need to make everything alright? 

That if only this happened... Or this person apologized... Or this person told me all the right things... Or what if.... What if I get that promotion... What if the test was wrong...

We do it to ourselves. 

We drown ourselves in this overwhelming waters. In a place we were never meant to be. Playing over and over the same circumstances that we are the most afraid of. 

This has been something I have been studying about. 

Why? If God has infinite powers and abilities, why does he allow me to think these things? He knows the deepest desires of my heart. Why is he allowing me to become fearful, angry, confused, insecure?

Friend, let me tell you why.

It. Is. Not. God.

Let that sink in a minute. 

It is our enemy. It is satan. 

"And why would satan bother with me?"

Because I have committed my life to Jesus. To live with Him as my Lord. Until the day I leave this earth.

"But why is satan's voice so strong?"

Because he knows. 

He knows I have promised my life to Jesus. Promised to follow Him all the days of my life. And that threatens his hold over me. He is losing me. Day by precious day. I am leaving satan's hold and RUNNING to the arms of Christ. And he's scared. Because he knows how this story will end. And he will lose. He will be victorious over some, but not me. I am a precious child of God.

Why am I sharing this personal struggle with you? 

Because it's necessary. It's necessary to know that you are not alone. To know that there is hope. It doesn't matter where you come from or what you have done. Our God... He LOVES YOU. He wants you. That tug on your heart. It's HIM.

If we have faith, we can have it all. I'm not naive. Anything is relative of course. 

God won't give me a winning lottery ticket. And a fast pass to the easy life. 

BUT he will restore what was lost. He will calm my racing mind. He will stop the anxiety. The depression. The hurt. He is ABLE. 

Will you trust Him? Do you?

Friends, my heart is racing just thinking of posting this. You see, I've thought I had the good life. I thought everything I did was perfect and God would reward me. But I didn't really know Him then. I believed. 

Loosely. 

I knew I should. But when I committed my life to Him. When I really took a good look at myself. And was HONEST. 

I KNEW. 

I knew He has been there all along. 

Right there. Just waiting for me. 

If you are married, or ever even been to a wedding. Where do you look? At the bride coming down the aisle? Sure, her dress is pretty. It's probably expensive. She probably has a wonderful hair style and beautiful flowers. 

But do you ever look at the Bridegroom?

Is he crying? Is he crazy in anticipation for her to make her way all the way down the longest aisle he has ever seen to become his partner in life? YES. 

And that is exactly what God is doing for each and every one of us. Patiently waiting. For us to make our way down that long aisle. To join Him in what he knows will be the most rewarding partnership we will ever have.

So it has been on my heart for a while. To share this with all of you. Friends, family, strangers even. Just to put it out there. Maybe, just maybe. It will just make sense to you.

God has a plan for your life. You may think that you are too screwed up. Or too hurt. Or too prideful. Or too anything. 

But you are not. 

YOU. ARE. ENOUGH. 

He made you beautiful. He made you in His image. No scar - inside or out - can change that. 

YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL. 

Once you are in His presence you just know. 

He loves you.

With everything He has got. And it's a LOT. I promise.

In this journey, there are a few things I have come across that have made my heart just race. Knowing that I need to challenge myself. Knowing that I needed those things in my life just to stay faithful to Him.

1. Begin your day with God. Wake up first. Get a devotional if you don't know what you are doing. Make a cup of coffee. And just spend some quiet time in your home alone with Him. If you begin your day with Him. He will bless you with gentle reminders throughout the day. He will show you He is right there with you.
2. Hide His word in your heart. This is definitely something I'm struggling with. But it is so true. Hide His word on your heart. And when you need it most. It's right there waiting for you. You fill in the insecurity with security. You know His plans for you are greater than you have ever imagined. 
3. Go to church. Every. Single. Sunday. It's that important. If you have kids, they need it just as much as you. Maybe even more. Be strong for them. Allow them to see you struggle. Teach them in the moments you find. Remind them of what they learn on Sunday thought out the week 
4. Write in your Bible. For me writing is so powerful. To see it. To feel it. I have a study bible and I cannot express enough just how much I read the footnotes. Read the verse before and after. Read the notes in the study bible. Highlight where God is speaking to you. Write out whatever is on your heart. If you are worried about destroying such a precious book - will it not be more valuable with your heart written throughout the pages. Just as it should be. 
5. Be patient. You will make mistakes. You will feel like the biggest hypocrite. You will falter. You will be tested. But know that each trial. Each struggle. It tells your story. 
6. Your testimony. Even if you think you are the lowest of low. Broken beyond repair. Share your story. Don't be ashamed. Don't be scared. Practice it. Omit details that don't need to be there. Tell of the trials. How you grew up. When you were tested. When you failed. Then in that one moment. When you KNEW. You just knew. This was it. It was real. It was life changing. Share how you came home. When you committed your life to the KING. Don't be ashamed. Share it with the world. Inspire others. Encourage others. 

I don't have all the answers. I'm still on this journey. I'm not perfect. But I have found peace. And when you find a love that you may have spent your whole life searching for, a love with your Heavenly Father, you will be complete. 

Nothing on this earth is meant to satisfy. My fear is that you will spend years upon years searching for a love, a fulfillment, a purpose that you cannot find anywhere else. You will not find this in another human. A new puppy. A new house. A new job. A new car. 

BUT. 

You will find it with Jesus Christ. 

Who died. 

To save you. 

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Hakuna Ma-what-a?

So I managed to get through the entire first post with out completely chickening out. 

Thank you to all of my amazing friends who have liked, commented or texted me on my first blog post. The response was WAY more than I ever expected.

I bet you are wondering why I choose this blog name... Oh, you are not?.. Well, you can go ahead and skip the post then.... See you next time.

Oh, you are still here. Okay, I'll get on with my story. Some of you may already know. But then again, maybe you don’t. So here you go.

What is Hakuna Matata? Well, It means.... No worries... For the rest of your days.. 

Okay, I know - terribly corny.. And if you didn't sing that last paragraph - well, I'm sorry pal. The Lion King was released from the "Vault" not too long ago - go pick yourself up a copy...

But really... back to MY story.

I grew up the youngest of three children. It’s safe to say I was a “surprise” (or that’s what my mom says). My sister is 11 years older than I am (I hope she doesn’t kill me for writing that down!), and my brother was 6 years. Fine... Fine... it’s 10 and a half years and 5 and a half years – if that makes them feel better... Anyway, point is I was the baby.

Growing up the baby, I had NEVER held a newborn baby, let alone change a diaper or anything else.   So really I didn't know what to expect when my first niece was born.

In 1995, I was about to turn 16 years old. And I became an aunt for the first time. (Yes, it was that long ago. And yes, I officially feel REALLY old.) When I first saw this bundle of joy, I may have said she looked funny. (I will NEVER live that down).

But you know what? 

That girl is the most beautiful freshman in college right now – and one of the coolest, most authentic people I know. And although her outward beauty is great, her inner beauty... Wow... THAT is definitely something to be admired. I can’t say enough amazing things about this girl. And since I don’t want to completely embarrass her, I will move on. (You’re welcome.)

So, when I became an aunt…. My sister and her family lived 3 hours away from my home town. So each and every time they visited – it was like Christmas morning. I looked forward to seeing her a lot. 

Okay, maybe not at first. 

But definitely by the time she was around 1 or 2.... Around this time, the Lion King was originally released. For some odd reason I had Soundtrack CD (yes, a CD.. and yes, I had a boom box it went in... remember 16+ years ago! smh!).

I can't remember the reason I started doing it (remember, it's been a LONG time ago), but I am the young, crazy, fun aunt, right? Right!?!??! 

Yeah, I'm just going to go with that. 

So I did what any young and awesomely fun aunt would do.... 

I cranked up the music. 

That's right. That's me (still to this day!). 

And while she really seemed to enjoy that, I decided it wasn't enough - let's dance a bit. And not just any dancing mind you. Remember she's this cute little toddler. I would spin her around, throw her up in the air, really anything that would get the cutest little laugh and squeals of joy out of her.

So time passes, this happened at least a few times. Then one weekend, I guess I didn't hear them come in, and here she came. Proud of herself. Toddling on into my room. Hands in the air, swaying side to side. Saying - "Tada, Tada". 

It's really that simple folks. This adorable, precious little girl - she made me a Tada (we go with Tada because it sounds much better than Tata... Insert laughs here.. I'll wait).

Time goes on, and it became "MY Tada" as more kids were born, but you know what? 

I'm proud to say I belong to ALL of them. All 6 of them - 4 precious girls and 2 handsome boys. 

So that's my story. 

Hakuna Matata may mean "no worries... for the rest of your days" in the song. But life, it's a BEAST. And by no means has having this awesome nickname meant that I have no worries. I think that is virtually impossible for anyone to achieve.

BUT... being blessed with this crazy, loving, supportive family - including my own child, husband and all of his extended family - makes me know that they will always be here for me. 

I would be foolish to leave out some of my dearest friends. They are also my family in my mind. The family I have built on my own over the years. And I'm amazed at the power of these friendships.

When life sucks, and crying is the only thing that relieves the hurt, they are there. Each and every once of them. To brighten my day, crack a joke, or just listen and say they love me.

I've been blessed folks. 

Until next time!,

Tada

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First Things First

So starting a new blog is a pretty scary thing. But here I am. Determined to do it. Determined to share my life. 

Why? 

Because I have a story to tell. And maybe I can be there for someone like I have had others there for me. 

And also because it's been something I've wanted to do for a long time. 

See, I've been reading blogs for the past few years. Admiring these awesome people achieving their goals, encouraging people and just being inspiring all around. And then I was catching up on Bloglovin today, and found this post by Holley Gerth - 

http://www.incourage.me/2013/10/stop-apologizing-for-who-you-are.html

Check it out, I'll wait... ;)

I tend to be that person. Apologizing for EVERYTHING. To people who bump into me accidentally. For saying the wrong thing to someone. For wanting things greater for a lot of my close friends and family. And quite honestly, sometimes I just push them too soon. 

And yeah, so what. I am sorry. 

When I say I'm sorry, it's not always because I think I'm wrong. But I am sorry to hurt someone's feelings. I care about people, and that's something I never want to change. I don't want to intentionally hurt anyone. But hey, you and me, we are both humans. And we do it a lot more than we would care to admit.

So back to why I'm starting a blog. I want to journal for myself, encourage others, and put myself out there. I mean, that's some scary stuff. But that's how we all grow. Stepping outside the comfort zone and learning something new.

So a little about me. 

I'm a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. I also work full time at an amazing company. 

Most recently, I've been concentrating on developing a more personal, more authentic, relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I wasn't big on the "religion" thing for a while, but quite honestly, HE saved my life. At the lowest of low, HE was the one there encouraging to pick myself up and draw near to Him. And it's not about the "religion"... It's about the personal relationship (just a heads up, if you are still working on it yourself).

So yeah. He's a big part of who I am. And I'm not ashamed. Never will be.

I'm also working on making better lifestyle choices - Working on, because change sucks in this department. Eating healthy, exercising (!!!) and just doing me. Because Lord knows I can't be a size 2 and be happy. But I CAN be a healthy role-model for my daughter. 

I've also been known to craft a thing or two (or more like every craft ever!). Finding time is a problem most of the time. But it's in my blood. And it does happen.

Singing. I used to be a seasoned singer. I've sang at weddings, at the White House (with about 15 other fabulous women from my High School), competed in regional and state competitions, won some money at a Karoake contest or two (smh!). But lately (well, for the past 8+ years I would say), it's mainly in my car, or my bathroom, or well, just about anywhere I can - you know, where people don't look at me like I'm a freak! Ha. Now I'm working on that. Joining the choir for my church for Christmas, and you know what? It's NOT like riding a bike. 

But, it will happen. 

Baby steps, friends, baby steps.

So that's a little about me. Enough for now. 

Tata!

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